By Flickr User bigmick

I know there's another "new" writing site out there that people can join called Bukisa.  I've joined it myself and have even written an article on it saying as much.  If you really checked my articles and read them "every day", you would know that I don't need any more invitations from you!

Okay, perhaps I'm starting to lose my holiday spirit a little bit.  I've just had enough of these kinds of messages.  I am a Bukisa member (barely) but you don't see me spamming everyone about it.  Especially more than once!  Sure I only have one friend on Bukisa (my husband) but at least I'm not annoying tons of people I've never even met.  I've deleted people from my friends list simply because they keep sending me the same darn (read ?!*#ing) messages over and over again!

by Flickr User Buggolo

You'd think that sending one message would be enough and if you didn't get a response that you would just leave them alone.  I'm really starting to lose my sense of humor about it.  The least they could do is write an article about why they think Bukisa is so darned special and invite people to join in that manner.  That way, if people didn't want to read it they could just not read your article.  I mean, if anyone wants to join Bukisa in my network, feel free but I'm not going to spam you about it!

Nor do I want to join some survey site that is mainly for American citizens.  I live in Canada, it says so on my profile.  If you were truly "my friend", you'd probably already know that.  Write an article about the site and tell  people why you think it's a great idea to join in your network.

Please, please, please stop spamming me!  I know I'm not the only person here that feels this way.

Once again, I'm already in Bukisa.  Please stop asking me to join.  I have.  It's not that great.  I prefer Triond.  I'm going to continue to use both sites and write articles for Triond members to let them know whether or not Bukisa lives up to all of its hype.  As a Christmas gift, no spam.  Please.

By Flickr User Uh...Bob

Just remember, the road to Deep Pockets has many speed bumps. Don't become your own worst back-seat driver.

Step Two: Forget Everything You Ever Learned About Good Writing

That's right, no need to worry about run on sentences, commas, or the grammatical ideology your Catholic School teachers beat into you. Just write from your heart, or your appendix if you still have one. You're not here to write well, you are here to SELL. One way of seeing my point is by asking yourself the following: How many rich poets do I know? Enough said?

Step Three: A Few White Lies

These days the reader demands less accuracy. Suppose you are embellishing some needed facts or statistics to really close your story - what do you do? More accurately, what do I do? I make up a few quotes or magazine articles and move on. Do you really think your reader is going to question your authority? I think not. If you're writing for academia insert a few links that lead nowhere. As an example I keep this handy link just in case  Yes, a 404 (as we say in the business) can come in handy.

Step Three (A): Revisions?

Revisions can be a huge waste of time. Shoot from the hip! Revisions be damned! Think of your fingers as ten Triond Income Generators. Do you want them wasting their time revising or cranking out new output?

Step Three (B): Comments

Always comment on your own work. Use active phrases like "Incite and Humor" This is a chance to really love yourself.

Step Four: A Picture Sells Better Than A Thousand Words

My next article is called "Secrets Of Raising An Idiot Dog" Do I really need to write that article? Never underestimate the power of the photo.

image by author.

Look at that beautiful toilet paper.  It is plump, yet shapely.  Pure, yet destined for grime, muck, and other filthy particles not worthy of being mentioned in a respectable publication like Triond. 

But did you know that toilet paper can actually be re-used?  That's right, keep reading for tips on turning brown into beautiful.

Gotcha!  You didn't really think that I was going to discuss how to re-use used toilet paper, did you?  That is disgusting!

After all, I'm not really interested in adding anything of value to Triond.  All I am concerned about is getting page views.  Now that you have clicked on this article, I don't care if you read to the end or not.  I've already gotten paid.

Uh, wait a minute.  Before you go, could you click on I Like It?  And don't forget to leave a comment.  That way, I will not only have cash in my pocket but also some respectability among other Triond writers.  More comments and more likes means more popularity.

And that really is my bottom line.  I want to be liked.  I want to be admired, trendy, fashionable, and otherwise stylin'.

I encourage you to do the same.  Don't publish anything of any meaning.  Don't write from your heart.  Don't be thoughtful in building up Triond, or bringing hope through a poem, or sharing a unique insight that might change someone's life.  

No, just write something that will make the Hot Content list.  Focus on getting your name listed as a Hot User.  Get yours now.  Forget about anything else.

Now you must remember that there are many different styles of comedy. Like stand-up comedy, musical comedy, theatre and film, journalism, novels, and many, many more. The secret is to choose one style and stick with it through thick and thin. If you cant do that then I would suggest writing basic jokes. It's the easiest method and is quite full-filling once you've heard your friends laugh at it.

This article is going to be based on basic joke writing.

Basic joke writing: The Surprise joke

The Surprise Joke is the simplest way to make a joke. All you need to do is find a subject, exaggerate it in a funny way and you've made your first joke. The subject is not hard to find. All you need is to do is choose something that made you laugh today. For example. You know how little kids are always peeing in the pool. Well you could have a joke like this.

My kid was banned from the local leisure centre for peeing in the swimming pool. I told them lots of little boys wee in the swimming pools.

They said yes, but not off the high diving board.

Another is:

If you don't succeed at first maybe skydiving's not for you.

Hopefully you will now be able to brighten someone's unhappy life. Or get yourself booed off a stage, but anyway at least you tried comedy.

5) Use a Top List

People now-a-day have way better things to do than read real essay. Just dumb it down for the common folk. Apparently it works I don't read any Cracked.com article that isn't a top ten list.

4) Use Irrelevant Images

Always a good thing to do make sure that the common reader can look at the funny pictures rather than the words.

3) Don't use to many words.

They are only going to read the headlines and the first few sentences anyways. And you don't want it to end up like a web comic.

2) Use “Hot” Topics

You need something that everyone is going to be interested in. Something that everyone loves like fat cats or the election. Or sex any top ten list with sex in the subtitle will be sure to get many a view.

1) Use a Profitable Topic

Make a topic that will make people click on the ads, a article on your favorite TV show may get a lot of views but will most likely not make much money. But remember if you want it interesting and funny its almost impossible to have a real money maker. Also you need to be a good writer. So I think that this article may make about two cents if I am lucky!

Image Sources: http://www.socialpicks.com/photo/name/3348/money.jpg

http://www.socialpicks.com/photo/name/3348/money.jpg

http://words-for-you.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/words.jpg

http://img2.timeinc.net/toh/i/a/repair/repairs-01.jpg

Greek Drama got its start from an ancient festival called Dionysia. "At Dionysia, Greeks would celebrate their God of wine, Dionysis, by drinking wine and having short plays" (Electronica). These short plays eventually developed into what is now considered Greek Drama. Greek Drama was meant to be used as a form of communication towards the people of Greece to get messages across that would not normally be talked about in day-to-day conversation. "Greek Drama helped to explain events in Greek society" (Electronica). These plays would help an audience to comprehend certain events depicted in the play. With their newfound knowledge, they could have a better understanding of certain political aspects of their life and other aspects as well. "Greek Drama employed many characteristics to help convey its message" (Electronica). Characteristics used by the Greek playwrights included catharsis, hammartia, and koimodia. With the use of these characteristics an audience could be easily persuaded to view things in the way the playwright viewed them. Therefore, these examples show that the nature of Greek Drama helped explain many details of Greek society.

Greek Comedy used humor as a way of getting points and ideas across to the audience. "Satire and body humor were used as a means of communicating the message of the play in a humorous manner" (Electronica). Satire and body humor were a common part of any Greek Comedy. They helped lighten the tension the audience may have been feeling during a particularly serious scene of the play. Wit was also an important part of any Greek Comedy. "Greek Comedy makes fun of human flaws with irony and wit" (Electronica). The use of irony and wit often made a play seem like it was dealing with a less serious matter than it actually was. Irony could be used to make the death of someone seem hilarious. A good example of a Greek Comedy which outlines all of these traits is Lysistrata. "'What is it all about?' ‘About a big affair' ‘And is it thick too?' ‘Yes indeed, both big and great.' ‘And we are not all on the spot!'" (Aristophanes 2). This situation shows humor while talking about the serious subject of war and peace. This would lighten the mood of any audience watching the play while talking about such a serious matter, thus does Lysistrata fall into the genre of Greek Comedy. Lysistrata also shows comedy between the characters while talking about a means to end the war. "'Refrain from what? Tell us, tell us!' ‘But will you do it?' ‘We will, we will, though we should die of it.' ‘We must refrain from the male altogether... Nay, why do you turn your backs on me?' (Aristophanes 7). This shows humor because the women are willing to refrain from anything, except for sex. This is a clever use of irony by Aristophanes and helps to clearly classify Lysistrata as a Greek Comedy. Clearly, clever use of satire, body humor, irony, and wit, are all what make up a great Greek Comedy.

Greek Tragedy uses many mechanisms to make the audience feel like they are an actual part of the play and feel sorry for the characters as if they know them. One mechanism implemented by Greek playwrights was Hammartia. "Hammartia is an error in judgment that leads to the tragic hero's demise" (Electronica). Many Greek Tragedies used Hammartia to show how a quality that makes someone great can also lead to their demise. Hammartia is also known as the tragic flaw. This quality of a Greek Tragedy is most often used on the tragic hero to show that what once made him great has lead to his downfall. "Dramatists presented their audience with deeply troubling emotional issues as they publicly examined the worst and most hidden fears of the individual" (definition of Greek Tragedy). Deeply troubling emotional issues are what make a Greek Drama a Greek Drama. Without these issues, the tragic hero would have no way to be brought down and thus, there would be no Greek Tragedy. Greek Tragedy can be best represented by Antigone. "You made your choice, to live ; I mine, to die" (Sophocles 21). This shows Antigone in a tragic sense because Antigone's tragic flaw, ambitiousness, is what makes her choose to die and it is her downfall. Her ambitiousness made her great when she chose to bury her brother but it eventually killed her. Antigone is a great example of a Greek Tragedy. "None may bewail, none bury, all must leave unwept, unsepulchred, a dainty prize for fowl that watch, gloating upon their prey!" (Antigone 2). Antigone is told that she may not bury her brother as he was the enemy. She is presented with a deeply troubling emotional issue because she has an obligation to bury her brother, yet she is not allowed to by the law. The aforementioned qualities certainly show what a Greek Tragedy was to be composed of.

Through their use of Comedy and Tragedy in Greek Drama, Greek playwrights show how plays can be used as a useful tool in the persuasion of an audience, whether it is in the comedic or tragic form. Surely, this shows the true power of Greek Drama. Greek Drama will forever hold a place in history as one of the greatest feats of ancient civilization.

Words come easy, structure can be trouble but writing is fun and only met as hobby.  I'm no expert in this area by far.  But I do a little research, when I can.  Everything has a structure to it.  Even writing does, and people will let you know about your weak points. 

So I figured maybe I would check out some agents online cause my head is full of ideas.  To make things worse I am a terrible speller and have to rewrite my thoughts constantly.  But agents want this or that. So who is working for who then. 

To me writing is an art if your in the buisiness of writing then you know what I am talking about if your not once you start researching it you will find out what I am talking about.  Then there is editors who pic apart and restructure your structure that you have been instructed on fixing and they will hack it to bits unless your jenrous enough to let others take a big chunk of royalties.  Then there is publisher who want your stuff but make it hard to reach them unless your real renound. 

So until you make a name for yourself writing road will be slow but hang in there because your not alone, the writing community is rather lage and there are many people to help you along the way.  I have met many over the years.  The more you write the more known you will get.  The more sights you post and write and blogs you do as well as story posting the more people will hear of you and soon they will start reaching out to you.  Keep writing and don't let the bumps disturb you.  

I almost forgot to tell you time is writi now.  So through on some tunes and get writing no if and but about it just do it.

Just do it, that's my philosophy.

1. "There's a Woman Living in My Closet"

   This article was written in response to the Yahoo article about the man in Japan who realized after one year that a homeless woman was living in his closet. The title is really superb, but I have made less than a buck so far on this very funny (if I must say so myself), piece. I wrote it in less than an hour and I although I have received some positive responses, I am not sure Triond users get it. So I will type slowly and repeat. “There was a man in Japan who found a woman living in his closet after one year.” Get it? This true life title alone is funny!
   
   Perhaps I should have entitled it: “Hilarious and Spectacular Closets of Homeless People” or “Extreme Closets That You Must Bookmark.” I just don't know.

2. “What Color is Your Underwear and Other Critical Interview Questions”

   This hysterical article is not getting the recognition on Triond that it so richly deserves. It is funny people! The research that I conducted proves that most serious articles on “interviews” are marginally helpful and maximally obvious. But then I guess people can be pretty stupid. Instead of doing a parody on being an “interviewee” I brilliantly turned the tables and made it about an “interviewer.” I found the title to be absolutely riotous and while I have made a buck or so I am not going to be able to retire to my palatial “crib” anytime soon.
   
   A better title might have been “Essential Questions That You Must Ask When You Interview or Die After Suffering a Long and Miserable Life” or “Critical Questions About Your Undergarments and the Workplace That You Have to Read Today.”
   
   Yes, looking back perhaps one of these titles would have made me a Triond top writer. Who knows? But I have collected over 50 “I Like Its” and I only hit that button once, or maybe twice.

3. “The Mile High Club”

   This humorous piece is bursting with incidents that have personally happened to me. I thought the title was pure genius and that alone would give me plenty of views. But alas, no one around here must know what the “mile high club” refers to or they have a puritan sense of humor. The entire article is not just about becoming intimate in the Biblical sense while flying on a commercial airline. It is full of other funny experiences that we all encounter on airlines with the ugly, smelly and rude masses of humanity.
   
   A better title might have been, “Hot Pictures of Wacky Airline Passengers Rated XXX” and I could have included lots of pictures. People on this site do seem to like pretty photographs, like 5 year olds love picture books. Too many words must be really scary to so many.

4. “Coach Girl”

   This piece was a true classic and timeless in so many ways. I was truly shocked that this piece alone did not afford me the luxury of acquiring hundreds of new Coach Purses.
   
   I have to wonder if Triond readers live near a mall or know women who “shop til they drop” and live for designer labels. I guess the sophistication of the piece was too much for the average reader.
   
   A better title might have been, “The Real Cost of Coach Purses and Why You Must Read This Incredible Article.” Then of course if I provided extreme free music links that might have sent it skyrocketing through the top ten of Triond. Yes, that would definitely have produced a hit and I would have earned more than a buck so far. Music rocks!

5. “Ten Tips to Not Offend People”

   This article is satire at its finest. It was written in response to the outpouring of humans that were offended by my believing and non-believing groupies in my controversial piece entitled, “11 Mistakes That Parents Make.” Oh boy I managed to offend everyone from all walks of life and faiths in this piece. Take a moment to read the 300 comments.
   
   But this article “Ten Tips to Not Offend People” was rich and deep in dry humor like a fine wine or a bottomless pit. It was also exceedingly witty to the intellectual. I truly feel that it was one of my finest entertaining articles to date. Jay Leno and David Letterman are you reading this? Of course they aren't! Who believes that? (If you are Jay or Dave call me-okay?)
   
   Still, you readers here on Triond again left me wondering if another title like, “Fascinating Ideas to Make Everyone Happy and the Unbelievable Websites That I Can Cut and Paste For You to Prove It,” might have been better.

Poets have also been showcased here on the top hits of Triond. Anyone can be a poet as long as it is expressive! I will write about love. Yes, love! How is something simple like:

“Love is nice
Nice is love
I am happy
Happy I am
Go dog go!”

I know if I wrote this poem I would receive comments such as “You have done it again” and “Enlightening.”

Oh well, you get my point.

But where will I go now that I realize my comedy is not breaking the bank you ask? I won't be standing on a street corner anytime soon holding a sign that says, “I Lost on Jeopardy and Triond.” No of course not. I have some dignity!

But I was thinking about getting into television, game shows specifically as they seem to be hitting big. My article could be entitled, “Top Three Hundred Episodes of Wheel of Fortune!” At least I would be dealing with words and this is a site for writers after all.

Regardless, I have successfully proven that Triond readers have no sense of humor and I have done so without using any pretty, pretty pictures or free trampoline video links.

Yes, comedy does not pay here on Triond and what a shame for all of you to not experience me! But mostly, what a tragedy for my bank account!

Now you too have the skills to go out and ruin the world for literate people everywhere. Use this power wisely.

You want your writing to accomplish this. These are the six basic themes that do it.

Sex

Forgive the cliché, but sex sells. Nothing grabs attention like naked, sweating bodies roiled together. You're not supposed to look, but readers can't help themselves. Careful not to get too graphic with the opening sentence unless you intend to write erotica. Opening with sex doesn't always mean intercourse. It can also be like the young man in the above example. Hints are often stronger than the event, but the fantasy is always more powerful than the reality.

Family Drama

Opening with this always works. Everyone has family drama so all can relate. And if readers can relate, you will hook them. It's strange, but people want to know someone has a family worse than theirs. There's comfort in it.

Violence

It's the car wreck you know you shouldn't stare at, but you can't help it. People are fascinated with violence. From the Roman Coliseum fights to the full-contact arenas today, people love this theme. Again, this can be subtle or visceral, but it does attract and fascinate.

Tragic Love

Themes on unfulfilled love are the biggest sellers. These go straight to the emotions and draw the reader to the inevitable. If you can make the reader cry, you'll have them buy your work again and again. Readers often want an emotional release, and opening with tragic love promises this.

Humor

This is the hardest to do because it requires timing and talent. If you make readers laugh on the first page or even the first sentence, you'll grab them. Like a good cry, everyone wants a good laugh. Humorous hooks and their books are rare, but their successful writers prove it works.

Death

Like violence, death attracts readers. It is the forbidden that repulses and intrigues. But, like humor, it's the hardest to pull off if flawed. Balance and skill are required to make opening with death work, but the shock draws readers into reading more.

The next time you open your writing, ask if any of these hooks are present. If not, you may want to reconsider your opening line. Remember if your reader is not hooked in the first line, chances are they won't read any further. And a closed book is an unpublished book. Remember that.