I have believed for the first half of my high school career that I was some sort of untapped talent. Mama Rose says it best right before her final number in the musical Gypsy: "Do you know what I have in me... what I've got buried deep down inside of me? Ooo, if I ever let it out... There wouldn't be signs big enough! There wouldn't even be lights bright enough!" I would find myself, especially during my sophomore year, sitting in class thinking of those very words over and over again. Believe it or not, those words would even put tears in my eyes as I was pretending to focus on what the teacher was saying, because I had such a huge passion to perform.
Maybe it isn't fair of me to say this. The very first role I ever received in high school theatre was the lead male in Little Women, which was also the very first play I was able to audition for my freshman year. But as things go, that was the only time I was cast in a show until my theatrical boom during my Junior year, (save for a small part in Romeo and Juliet my sophomore year). And for Pete's sake, that was over four years ago. I have since then done tremendous things in the realms of high school and college theatre. I've even had my hand in independent and student films for a while. So why am I writing about all this junk?
Well, because I'm getting that same Mama Rose feeling again, only this time it's different. I'm not blaming my untapped talent on some director not allowing me to perform by not casting me in a show. This time I'm casting the blame on myself, on perhaps my own laziness or preoccupation with other things. I was thinking about this the other day as I was driving around town. I could be doing so much more with myself. I could be out reading more books or plays; I could be working harder to get my body into a more desirable condition; I could be putting more effort into completing the huge amount of scrap booking that I need to get done; and I could be committing myself more to writing. Writing. That's the most important one on my list of "could be's".
Why Writing is Important
Writing would allow yet another opening for my creativity/knowledge/personality to flow out of me, allowing me to affect more people than just those who so happen to be sitting in the audience of one of my plays. I have been told multiple times by teachers, friends, and a couple enemies that I have very good writing skills. Those silly nationalized tests have been telling me about my writing potential since I was in first grade. So why haven't I written a book yet?! Why am I typing up this ridiculous article about nothing remarkably important?
Because I am bothered. Disturbed, really. Annoyed by my frustrating over my own easily solvable problems. Luckily for me, I can act as my own therapist. I don't usually need anyone else to tell me what it is that's going wrong in my life, because I already know what's wrong, and I know how to fix it. A lot of people can't do that. They go to a friend or a psychologist to tell them that they're being silly because they can't see it for themselves. In a way, consider me blessed. And cursed. Cursed and blessed. Blessed and cursed. Blessed because I know a lot about myself, because I'm a hugely motivated person, and because I'm ready to get started on living the rest of my life. Cursed because I'm as lazy as I am motivated, because I forgive myself for falling into my own bad habits, and because life can wait.
In Conclusion…
If you're not already frustrated with me by now, I'm hoping that you're at least enjoying this senseless novella that I'm forcing through my birth canal into my word processor. As the description stated, this is primarily for my own well being. I need to be putting my tired old thoughts into something more tangible, otherwise they simply keep circling through my head trying to escape.
What I really need to do is get busy on the stuff I want/need to get done. Simple as that. Stop watching so much television, stop sleeping in so late, stop finding excuses to do less important things, and start digging in on my scrap booking. Man, I've got a lot of junk to put into books. Memories, mainly. Things that I wont look at again until I'm on my deathbed in an attempt to live through a summary of my life before living becomes past tense. I could also be reading the Bible more. But second most importantly, I've got to do more writing.
