Some writers thrive on description, others limit it to bare bones. The majority use it as a means of setting the scene, tone and atmosphere of their story. Depending on the words chosen and the construction of the sentence, description can be deadly dull or it can bring the page to life. What then is the difference between the two?
Don't Overdo It
Strings of adjectives are superfluous and often lose impact. These two sentences say the same thing but the second example says it more conscisely.
The house was old, decaying, rundown and uncared for.
The house was a derelict dump.
Don't Use Clichés
People are tired of reading the same descriptive words and the same metaphors and similes. They are looking for fresh writing with new word pictures that will stimulate their minds. Consider these examples and their alternatives:
- The house was cold as ice.
- The house was cold as a barrel of frozen peas.
- She was a dragon in the classroom.
- She belched fire and brimstone in the classroom.
- Toby's ball was red, yellow and orange.
- Toby's ball was assorted shades of citrus.
- Her eyes were shiny blue.
- Her eyes twinkled like navy sequins.
Do Use Unusual Words
Readers delight in familiar words in unfamiliar situations.
- The rose was deep red.
- The rose was the colour of arterial blood.
- The dog had grey, wiry fur.
- The dog had wiry fur that spring like silver corkscrews from his back.
Keep it Simple
Scatter description across your story so it catches the reader by surprise. There is nothing worse than ploughing through page after page of adjectives when a few here and there will be far more effective.
How much I missed the very special Valley of a Thousand Hills. I longed to breathe the air that smelled of warm grass and sweet blossom and hear the plump chickens scratching busily in the yard. To sit in a quiet spot and grind ripe corn with my wonderful sisters and sing soulful songs as the large coppery sun dipped behind the deep inky lake.
How much I missed my beloved Valley of a Thousand Hills. I longed to breathe the fragrant air and hear the chickens scratching in the yard. To sit and grind corn with my sisters and sing soulful songs as the coppery sun dipped behind the inky lake.
Avoid Adverbs
Most editors will put a pen through any adverb so avoid using them as far as you can. It is quite possible to restructure a sentence so the same meaning is conveyed but in a better way.
- The bird sang sweetly to her ears.
- The bird's song was sweet to her ears.
- The sun shone brightly through the window.
- The sun was a bright glow, pouring across the window sill.
Invoke All the Senses
The reader should experience all five senses through the written word. Write so as to immerse him in the centre of the scene; so that he feels as though he is right there in the action. Here are a couple of examples that work well.
Sight
The shell was perfect, a mirror image of cream streaked with amber.
Her fingers were curled into claws.
Smell
His scent was a mingling of soap and expensive cologne.
Touch
The pillow cushioned her head, soft as a puppy's paw.
Taste
The fig was sweet and tender and dissolved into a single mouthful.
Hearing
The rustling leaves whirled like washing in a dryer.
