Tips on How to Write Well

Some of us need an occasional reminder of how to write well. This is more about attracting readership, but good writing is an important part of that, so hell, I'll address it.

Since I said I'd stop linking things, I'll add these infamous 14 writing rules straight into the post before I continue with my own tips.

Rules for Writing Real Good

1. Don't use no double negatives.
2. Make each pronoun agree with their antecedents.
3. Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.
4. About them sentence fragments.
5. When dangling, watch your participles.
6. Verbs has got to agree with their subjects.
7. Don't write run-on sentences they are hard to read.
8. Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
9. Try to not ever split infinitives.
10. It's important to use your apostrophe's correctly.
11. Proofread your writing to see if you any words out.
12. Correct spelling is essential.
13. Eschew ostentatious erudition.
14. Avoid clichés like the plague.

Most of these are second nature for the majority of us. Some words about a few, though:

• #7 - Please don't do this. Run-ons can make a piece very hard to follow, and if I see more than one I will usually not bother to finish reading a post. Run-ons are a real killer.
• #8 - Commas are your enemy. Try to avoid them when you can.
• #11 - Proofreading is great. I save most of my posts in draft form and read through them at least once to make sure I didn't fudge anything up.
• #12 - Most blogging websites come with a spell check feature. I recommend making it your friend. Bad spelling is okay in the case of an occasional mistake. Excessively bad spelling, however, is another of those things that drives away readers.
• #13 - Unless you want to alienate readers, try your hardest to avoid being wordy. Resist the temptation at all costs. If I have to open up a new tab for dictionary.com and leave it open to read your post, chances are I won't.

Now, there are also some handy rules you might want to follow for internet reading, where attracting readership is important.

1. Write Well

   People will come back to read your new material if they like what they see. If they don't, they won't.

2. Come Up with a Catchy or Interesting Title.

   People are more likely to read a post titled "Why I Want You to Make Me Dinner" than "My Favorite Saying." Be wary of trying too hard to make the title interesting though. A misleading title can be more harmful than a string of run-ons and spelling errors.

3. Write About Sex

   Sex sells. Just don't whore yourself out (metaphorically or physically). Your posts still need to be well written, since mostly we don't respect smut. Don't make sex your staple, either. You still need other material if you want to be interesting.

4. Make Lists

   We love lists. Lists are great because they are easy and quick to read. Right now three out of the top five posts are lists. Heck this is my third list in this post.

5. Be Nice

   Comment on other people's stuff. But say nice things, or phrase them in such a way that they are not offensive. If you lash out at others, they will be much less likely to read your posts. Karma again.